When the Season Feels Heavy: A Psychological Look at Anxiety and Resilience in Youth Sports
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Youth sports give kids so many gifts - confidence, connection, discipline, joy. But there’s another part we don’t always talk about: the seasons that feel hard. The slump that won’t end. The pressure that suddenly spikes. The child who seems anxious before every game or practice.
As a psychologist who works closely with athletes and their families, I see this all the time. Tough seasons don’t mean an athlete is failing. In fact, they are often the moments where the most meaningful psychological growth is possible - if we know how to support it.
Below is a deeper look into how anxiety shows up in young athletes, what’s happening in the brain and body, and how kids (and parents) can develop real, durable resilience.
Why Anxiety Shows Up in Youth Sports
Anxiety in youth athletes isn’t usually about the sport itself - it’s about meaning. Kids don’t fear missing a shot or dropping a pass. They fear what it means:
“I don’t want to disappoint my coach.”
“My parents spent so much money; I can’t let them down.”
“My teammates are counting on me.”
“If I mess up, maybe I’m not as good as I thought.”
Sports ask kids to do something very adult: manage expectations, uncertainty, and high emotion under pressure. That’s a big job for a developing brain.
Psychologically, anxiety is a signal, not a flaw. It tells us a child cares deeply and that they’re encountering a challenge bigger than their current coping skills. That’s exactly where growth begins.
What a “Tough Season” Does to an Athlete’s Mind
A difficult season can feel like a threat to an athlete’s identity. When performance dips or confidence drops, kids often start to internalize:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“I used to be good… why can’t I do this now?”
“Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
This negative self-talk triggers the brain’s threat response - a fight/flight/freeze state. When the nervous system is dysregulated, skills break down. Vision narrows. Decision-making slows. Muscles tighten.
Performance issues aren’t moral failings; they’re physiological.
This is why “just relax” or “shake it off” rarely works. Athletes need tools - emotional, cognitive, and physical - to bring themselves back into a regulated state.
Parents: Your Role Matters More Than You Think
Parents often feel helpless watching their child struggle. But research shows that parental response directly influences athlete resilience.
Supportive responses sound like:
“I love watching you play - no matter what happens.”
“It’s okay to have off days. Everyone does.”
“What felt hard today? What felt good?”
“You don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.”
What doesn’t help:
Post-game interrogations
Focusing only on mistakes
Emotional intensity (“You’ve GOT to do better next week”)
Coaching from the car, bleachers, or living room
When parents stay grounded, kids learn that their worth isn’t tied to performance. That safety is what allows them to push themselves without breaking.
Teaching Athletes to Overcome Tough Seasons
Below are evidence-based psychological principles that help young athletes move from survival mode to growth mode.
1. Normalize the Slump
Every athlete - Olympians included - has tough seasons. Naming it out loud often reduces shame and gives kids permission to keep going.
2. Teach the Mind-Body Connection
Help athletes understand what anxiety feels like in their body (tight chest, fast breathing, tense muscles) and that these sensations are manageable.
3. Use Micro-Wins
Instead of “Did you score?”, shift to:
Did you communicate well?
Did you stay focused after a mistake?
Did you give full effort?
Micro-wins rebuild confidence from the inside out.
4. Reframe “Failure”
Failure in youth sports is feedback, not identity. The more emotionally safe kids feel making mistakes, the more risks they’ll take - and risks lead to mastery.
5. Build Pre-Performance Routines
Consistent routines lower anxiety and prime the brain. For example:
3 slow exhales
1 cue word (“steady,” “focus,” “trust”)
A brief visualization
The goal: calm the nervous system and anchor attention.
6. Keep the Season About Them
Not the money invested. Not the team’s record. Not parental expectations.
Kids need the freedom to define success on their own terms.
Exercises Athletes Can Try
🧠 The Three-Breath Reset (for anxiety spikes)
Breathe in through the nose for 4.
Hold for 2.
Exhale long and slow for 6.
Repeat three times.
This signals the brain that the body is safe.
📓 “What’s In My Control?” Worksheet
Draw two circles:
Inside: effort, attitude, communication, nutrition, sleep
Outside: refs, weather, coach decisions, teammates’ choices
Review before games or practices.
💭 The 24-Hour Rule
After a tough game, no analysis for 24 hours.
This gives the brain time to regulate before reflecting.
⭐ Confidence Journal
Each night: write 2 things you did well in sport that day - even tiny ones.
Confidence is built through repetition, not rare moments of perfection.
A Final Reminder
A tough season isn’t a sign that a young athlete is falling behind- it’s a sign they’re human. Resilience isn’t built when everything is easy; it’s built when kids learn they can survive discomfort, manage anxiety, and still show up.
Youth sports are not just about performance. They are one of the most powerful classrooms for emotional strength, identity development, and lifelong confidence - if we let them be.
Let the goal be growth, not perfection. And let the hard seasons teach what the easy ones never will.
🦃 The Psychology of Thanksgiving: Slowing Down, Feeling Enough, and Finding Meaning in the Chaos
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Thanksgiving brings a complicated mix of emotions for many people. Gratitude, connection, stress, pressure, grief, perfectionism, family dynamics - the holiday season often holds all of it at once. 🍂
As a psychologist (and a mom), I see every year how this week can bring out the best and the hardest parts of being human.
Here’s a healthier, more compassionate way to approach Thanksgiving this year - grounded in psychological science and simple practices you can actually use. 🧡
1. Gratitude Isn’t About Feeling Happy - It’s About Feeling Present 🙏
We hear a lot about gratitude in November, but research shows something important:
➡️ Gratitude isn’t a mood. It’s a practice.
You don’t have to feel grateful to benefit from it.
Gratitude works because it shifts the brain’s attention systems - away from stress, comparison, and future-thinking - and toward what is safe, supportive, or meaningful right now. ✨
A simple Thanksgiving exercise:
Before the meal, pause for 60 seconds and name:
One thing that supported you this year
One thing you learned
One thing you’re ready to release
This keeps gratitude grounded and real - not forced. 🍁
2. You Don’t Need a Perfect Thanksgiving to Have a Meaningful One 🍽️
I hear this often from clients - especially mothers and high achievers:
“I want everything to be perfect… and then I’m exhausted and can’t enjoy it.”
Perfectionism steals more joy from Thanksgiving than anything else.
Instead of striving for a perfect holiday, choose a weighted holiday - where you intentionally put your energy only where it matters most. 🎯
Ask yourself:
“If only one thing turns out the way I hope, what do I want it to be?”
A meaningful conversation 🗣️
A calm kitchen 🍃
A peaceful morning ☕
A cozy atmosphere 🕯️
A playful moment with your kids 🧒🏽💛
Let the rest be “good enough.”
3. Navigating Family Dynamics Without Losing Yourself 👨👩👧👦
Thanksgiving often reunites us with people who knew earlier versions of us - and sometimes we slip right back into old roles, even if they no longer fit.
Remember:
➡️ Awareness is already a pattern interrupt.
➡️ You are allowed to protect your peace.
➡️ You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. 🚫🔥
If certain relationships are difficult, set a quiet internal intention:
“I will respond, not react.”
And if needed, excuse yourself. A bathroom break is always a legitimate emotional reset tool. 🚪💭
4. Helping Kids Navigate Holiday Overwhelm 🧸
Children feel the intensity of holidays too! The late nights, overstimulation, shifting routines, and social expectations. Their behavior often reflects what their nervous systems can’t verbalize.
You can help them regulate by:
Keeping a familiar routine where possible ⏰
Creating a quiet “reset space” 🛋️
Naming feelings (“Big day, big feelings - this makes sense.”) 💬
Not forcing hugs or interactions 🙅♀️❤️
Kids regulate through connection, not correction.
5. A 5-Minute Thanksgiving Check-In for Couples 💑
Holidays can amplify stress in relationships, especially for couples juggling kids, travel, and emotional history.
Try a quick check-in Thanksgiving morning:
“What do you need from me today to feel supported?”
“Where might we get overwhelmed?”
“How can we stay connected if the day gets busy?”
Small moments of alignment prevent big misunderstandings. ❤️🩹
6. Make Space for Grief, Change, or Missing Pieces 💛🕯️
For many, Thanksgiving also highlights what’s changed:
A loss
A divorce
A child growing up
An estranged family member
A move
A shift in identity
Grief and gratitude can coexist. Let both sit at the table with you. 🦃🧡
A Closing Reflection: What If Thanksgiving Is Less About the Meal and More About the Moment? 🍂
At its core, Thanksgiving is an invitation to slow down. To acknowledge the messy, beautiful complexity of being human. To find meaning in small moments. To gently remind ourselves that connection matters far more than perfection.
This year, choose presence over pressure. Warmth over performance. Meaning over the “should’s”.
Your nervous system will thank you. 🌿
✨ Let Coaches Coach: The Psychology of Stepping Back So Your Child Can Step Up
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
It’s normal to want to help your child succeed.
But in youth sports, that good intention often backfires.
When parents direct, coach, critique, shout instructions, or micromanage from the sidelines, kids experience:
Split attention
Increased anxiety
Fear of disappointing parents
Confusion from mixed messages
Loss of autonomy
Reduced confidence
As a psychologist, I’ve seen this pattern over and over:
When parents over-function, kids under-function.
But there’s a healthier way.
⭐ The Psychology Behind “Let Coaches Coach”
1. Kids learn best from one voice at a time.
When parents coach from the sideline, kids must choose between disappointing you or their coach.
This is an impossible emotional bind.
2. Parental sideline coaching increases anxiety.
Your child stops focusing on the game and starts scanning for approval.
3. Autonomy fuels intrinsic motivation.
When kids feel ownership over effort and performance, they work harder - and enjoy sports more.
4. Confidence grows when they solve problems themselves.
If you do the thinking, they don’t learn to.
⭐ What Parents Should Do Instead
✔ Be a calm presence
Kids mirror adult energy.
Your body language sets the tone.
✔ Let the coach handle corrections
Even if you disagree - discuss privately later.
✔ Focus on effort and attitude
The only two things your child can control.
✔ Stay out of team politics
Your emotional neutrality protects your child socially.
⭐ Family Exercise: The Game Day Roles Chart
Create a simple one-page chart:
Coach:
– Teaching
– Strategy
– Feedback
– Corrections
Parent:
– Support
– Encouragement
– Logistics
– Snacks
Athlete:
– Effort
– Attitude
– Communication
– Teamwork
Kids thrive when adults stay in their lanes.
⭐ Final Takeaway
When parents step back, kids step into confidence.
And the more you trust the process - the more your child learns to trust themselves.