The Car Ride: The Most Important 10 Minutes in Youth Sports
By: Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
If there’s one part of youth sports that kids consistently say affects them the most - it’s the car ride.
Not the tryout.
Not the game.
Not the coach’s feedback.
The car ride.
The space where parents unknowingly build confidence…
or accidentally chip away at it.
As a psychologist, I’ve heard hundreds of athletes say things like:
“I dreaded the car ride home more than the game.”
“I loved playing until the ride home.”
“I just wanted to listen to music.”
We can fix that - easily.
⭐ Before the Game: Create Calm, Not Pressure
Energetic pep talks might feel supportive, but for most kids, they create anxiety spikes.
Use this instead:
✔ “Have fun.”
✔ “Play hard and enjoy yourself.”
✔ “I love watching you play.”
Avoid:
✘ “Be aggressive today.”
✘ “This is a big game.”
✘ “Prove yourself.”
✘ “Don’t mess up.”
Your job isn’t to activate them - it’s to regulate them.
⭐ After the Game: What Kids Actually Need
If your child looks upset:
Don’t coach. Don’t fix.
Provide calm presence.
Ask:
“Do you want to talk, or just music and snacks?”
Often, kids need decompression, not dissection.
Avoid:
✘ “Why did you…?”
✘ “Next time you need to…”
✘ “You should have…”
These increase shame and performance anxiety.
Use:
✔ “I’m proud of you.”
✔ “I loved watching you.”
✔ “What part felt good today?”
✔ “What was hard for you?”
⭐ The Car Ride Contract (Family Exercise)
Have your child choose:
3 acceptable pre-game topics
3 acceptable post-game topics
Their preference: music, silence, or light talk
Let them lead.
This builds autonomy — a core component of intrinsic motivation.
⭐ Final Takeaway
The car ride isn’t a coaching moment - it’s a connecting moment.
And when parents get this right, kids stay in sports longer, stay emotionally safe, and stay intrinsically motivated.
✨ Why Sports Are Incredible for Kids: The Brain-Based Benefits Most Parents Don’t Realize
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
We talk about sports like they’re about winning, discipline, fitness, or teamwork - and they are. But from a psychological and neurodevelopmental standpoint, sports are actually one of the best environments for growing healthy, emotionally resilient kids.
The benefits go far beyond exercise.
They’re brain-deep.
⭐ The Neuroscience of Kids in Sports
1. Sports Strengthen Executive Functioning
Athletes constantly practice:
Planning
Shifting attention
Impulse control
Working memory
Quick decision-making
These skills transfer to academics, social interactions, and long-term success.
2. Sports Teach Emotional Regulation
Where else do kids have built-in opportunities to practice managing:
Adrenaline
Stress
Embarrassment
Frustration
Pressure
Fear
Disappointment
Sports expose children to stress in a contained, supportive environment.
This is resilience training.
3. Sports Build Social & Leadership Skills
From locker room dynamics to team roles, kids learn:
Communication
Collaboration
Empathy for teammates
Respect for authority
When to lead & when to follow
This social muscle becomes emotional intelligence - a key predictor of adult wellbeing.
4. Sports Boost Mental Health
Exercise reduces cortisol and boosts:
Dopamine
Serotonin
Endorphins
These are the brain’s natural mood stabilizers.
⭐ How Parents Can Maximize These Benefits
1. Praise learning, not outcomes.
Kids who hear “You’re so talented” crumble under pressure.
Kids who hear “I love how hard you worked” become resilient.
2. Protect downtime.
Kids need rest for brain integration. Overscheduling sabotages performance.
3. Support role players and bench moments.
Not everybody will be the star - and that’s where character is built.
4. Model healthy coping.
Your emotional regulation becomes theirs.
⭐ Kid Exercise: The “Resilience Replay”
Ask your child to reflect on a tough sports moment:
What happened?
What did you feel?
What did you learn?
How did you get through it?
This rewires the brain to view challenges as growth opportunities.
⭐ Parent Exercise: The Invisible Wins List
Once a week, write down 10 non-stat wins your child had.
Examples:
Encouraged a teammate
Recovered from a mistake
Stayed composed under pressure
Tried something new
Held eye contact with the coach
Share a few with them in a calm moment.
These build confidence far more than goals ever will.
⭐ Final Takeaway
Sports aren’t just a pastime - they’re a psychological classroom.
And when parents support the emotional and developmental side of athletics, kids don’t just become good athletes…
They become strong, stable, resilient humans.
✨ Parenting for the Long Game: How to Build a Relationship With Your Child That Outlasts Sports
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Youth sports take up weekends, weeknights, and our hearts. They shape family rhythms, dinner schedules, and holiday plans. But there’s an uncomfortable truth that many parents secretly wrestle with:
Sports will end. Your relationship with your child won’t.
And yet so many well-intentioned parents unintentionally sacrifice long-term connection in the name of short-term performance. From the extra clinics to the travel tournaments, from private lessons to off-season sessions, all well-intentioned and helpful, can lead to a mindset in which everything revolves around the sport rather than the child.
As a psychologist, I often remind parents:
Your child is not their sport. And you are not their coach.
You’re their grounding space, their emotional anchor, their safe person. And when sports inevitably shift, pause, or end, the strength of your relationship is what remains.
Let’s talk about how to parent with the end in mind.
⭐ The Psychology of Identity: Why It’s Risky When “Athlete” Becomes the Whole Story
Children naturally take pride in their sports. But when they start hearing:
“You’re the fast one.”
“You’re the goalie.”
“You’re the star.”
“You’re the playmaker.”
…a subtle psychological thread forms:
I matter because I perform.
A single-identity child is at higher risk for:
Anxiety
Burnout
Perfectionism
Depression after injury
Post-sport identity crisis
People-pleasing or fear of disappointing parents
A multi-identity child - one who is an athlete and an artist, a sibling, a gamer, a friend - is more resilient because their self-worth isn’t hanging on one hook.
⭐ How Parents Can Protect Their Child’s Identity (Without Breaking Their Passion)
1. Normalize being more than one thing.
Talk about their humor, kindness, creativity, problem-solving, emotional intelligence.
2. Celebrate the person, not the performance.
Say:
“I love how you treat people.”
“You handled that situation maturely.”
“I love watching you play.” (the gold standard)
3. Create weekly non-sport connection rituals.
This builds the muscle of relationship outside competition:
Baking
Going for walks
TV show night
Coffee/hot chocolate together
One athlete told me, “I always felt like my mom only saw me in my jersey.”
Let’s flip that.
⭐ Parent Reflection Exercise: The Age-25 Relationship Vision
Take 5 quiet minutes. Ask yourself:
When my child is 25, what do I want our relationship to feel like?
Do my current behaviors support that future? Or are they unintentionally putting pressure between us?
What’s one small habit I can shift this week to build lifelong trust?
Write it down. Revisit it after each season.
⭐ Final Takeaway
Sports don’t define your child. You can help them define themselves.
Not through pressure, but through presence.
Not through coaching, but through connection.
When you parent for the long game, you give your child the freedom to enjoy sports now and the emotional security to thrive long after they’re done playing.