🦃 The Psychology of Thanksgiving: Slowing Down, Feeling Enough, and Finding Meaning in the Chaos
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Thanksgiving brings a complicated mix of emotions for many people. Gratitude, connection, stress, pressure, grief, perfectionism, family dynamics - the holiday season often holds all of it at once. 🍂
As a psychologist (and a mom), I see every year how this week can bring out the best and the hardest parts of being human.
Here’s a healthier, more compassionate way to approach Thanksgiving this year - grounded in psychological science and simple practices you can actually use. 🧡
1. Gratitude Isn’t About Feeling Happy - It’s About Feeling Present 🙏
We hear a lot about gratitude in November, but research shows something important:
➡️ Gratitude isn’t a mood. It’s a practice.
You don’t have to feel grateful to benefit from it.
Gratitude works because it shifts the brain’s attention systems - away from stress, comparison, and future-thinking - and toward what is safe, supportive, or meaningful right now. ✨
A simple Thanksgiving exercise:
Before the meal, pause for 60 seconds and name:
One thing that supported you this year
One thing you learned
One thing you’re ready to release
This keeps gratitude grounded and real - not forced. 🍁
2. You Don’t Need a Perfect Thanksgiving to Have a Meaningful One 🍽️
I hear this often from clients - especially mothers and high achievers:
“I want everything to be perfect… and then I’m exhausted and can’t enjoy it.”
Perfectionism steals more joy from Thanksgiving than anything else.
Instead of striving for a perfect holiday, choose a weighted holiday - where you intentionally put your energy only where it matters most. 🎯
Ask yourself:
“If only one thing turns out the way I hope, what do I want it to be?”
A meaningful conversation 🗣️
A calm kitchen 🍃
A peaceful morning ☕
A cozy atmosphere 🕯️
A playful moment with your kids 🧒🏽💛
Let the rest be “good enough.”
3. Navigating Family Dynamics Without Losing Yourself 👨👩👧👦
Thanksgiving often reunites us with people who knew earlier versions of us - and sometimes we slip right back into old roles, even if they no longer fit.
Remember:
➡️ Awareness is already a pattern interrupt.
➡️ You are allowed to protect your peace.
➡️ You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. 🚫🔥
If certain relationships are difficult, set a quiet internal intention:
“I will respond, not react.”
And if needed, excuse yourself. A bathroom break is always a legitimate emotional reset tool. 🚪💭
4. Helping Kids Navigate Holiday Overwhelm 🧸
Children feel the intensity of holidays too! The late nights, overstimulation, shifting routines, and social expectations. Their behavior often reflects what their nervous systems can’t verbalize.
You can help them regulate by:
Keeping a familiar routine where possible ⏰
Creating a quiet “reset space” 🛋️
Naming feelings (“Big day, big feelings - this makes sense.”) 💬
Not forcing hugs or interactions 🙅♀️❤️
Kids regulate through connection, not correction.
5. A 5-Minute Thanksgiving Check-In for Couples 💑
Holidays can amplify stress in relationships, especially for couples juggling kids, travel, and emotional history.
Try a quick check-in Thanksgiving morning:
“What do you need from me today to feel supported?”
“Where might we get overwhelmed?”
“How can we stay connected if the day gets busy?”
Small moments of alignment prevent big misunderstandings. ❤️🩹
6. Make Space for Grief, Change, or Missing Pieces 💛🕯️
For many, Thanksgiving also highlights what’s changed:
A loss
A divorce
A child growing up
An estranged family member
A move
A shift in identity
Grief and gratitude can coexist. Let both sit at the table with you. 🦃🧡
A Closing Reflection: What If Thanksgiving Is Less About the Meal and More About the Moment? 🍂
At its core, Thanksgiving is an invitation to slow down. To acknowledge the messy, beautiful complexity of being human. To find meaning in small moments. To gently remind ourselves that connection matters far more than perfection.
This year, choose presence over pressure. Warmth over performance. Meaning over the “should’s”.
Your nervous system will thank you. 🌿