When the Season Feels Heavy: A Psychological Look at Anxiety and Resilience in Youth Sports
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Youth sports give kids so many gifts - confidence, connection, discipline, joy. But there’s another part we don’t always talk about: the seasons that feel hard. The slump that won’t end. The pressure that suddenly spikes. The child who seems anxious before every game or practice.
As a psychologist who works closely with athletes and their families, I see this all the time. Tough seasons don’t mean an athlete is failing. In fact, they are often the moments where the most meaningful psychological growth is possible - if we know how to support it.
Below is a deeper look into how anxiety shows up in young athletes, what’s happening in the brain and body, and how kids (and parents) can develop real, durable resilience.
Why Anxiety Shows Up in Youth Sports
Anxiety in youth athletes isn’t usually about the sport itself - it’s about meaning. Kids don’t fear missing a shot or dropping a pass. They fear what it means:
“I don’t want to disappoint my coach.”
“My parents spent so much money; I can’t let them down.”
“My teammates are counting on me.”
“If I mess up, maybe I’m not as good as I thought.”
Sports ask kids to do something very adult: manage expectations, uncertainty, and high emotion under pressure. That’s a big job for a developing brain.
Psychologically, anxiety is a signal, not a flaw. It tells us a child cares deeply and that they’re encountering a challenge bigger than their current coping skills. That’s exactly where growth begins.
What a “Tough Season” Does to an Athlete’s Mind
A difficult season can feel like a threat to an athlete’s identity. When performance dips or confidence drops, kids often start to internalize:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“I used to be good… why can’t I do this now?”
“Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
This negative self-talk triggers the brain’s threat response - a fight/flight/freeze state. When the nervous system is dysregulated, skills break down. Vision narrows. Decision-making slows. Muscles tighten.
Performance issues aren’t moral failings; they’re physiological.
This is why “just relax” or “shake it off” rarely works. Athletes need tools - emotional, cognitive, and physical - to bring themselves back into a regulated state.
Parents: Your Role Matters More Than You Think
Parents often feel helpless watching their child struggle. But research shows that parental response directly influences athlete resilience.
Supportive responses sound like:
“I love watching you play - no matter what happens.”
“It’s okay to have off days. Everyone does.”
“What felt hard today? What felt good?”
“You don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.”
What doesn’t help:
Post-game interrogations
Focusing only on mistakes
Emotional intensity (“You’ve GOT to do better next week”)
Coaching from the car, bleachers, or living room
When parents stay grounded, kids learn that their worth isn’t tied to performance. That safety is what allows them to push themselves without breaking.
Teaching Athletes to Overcome Tough Seasons
Below are evidence-based psychological principles that help young athletes move from survival mode to growth mode.
1. Normalize the Slump
Every athlete - Olympians included - has tough seasons. Naming it out loud often reduces shame and gives kids permission to keep going.
2. Teach the Mind-Body Connection
Help athletes understand what anxiety feels like in their body (tight chest, fast breathing, tense muscles) and that these sensations are manageable.
3. Use Micro-Wins
Instead of “Did you score?”, shift to:
Did you communicate well?
Did you stay focused after a mistake?
Did you give full effort?
Micro-wins rebuild confidence from the inside out.
4. Reframe “Failure”
Failure in youth sports is feedback, not identity. The more emotionally safe kids feel making mistakes, the more risks they’ll take - and risks lead to mastery.
5. Build Pre-Performance Routines
Consistent routines lower anxiety and prime the brain. For example:
3 slow exhales
1 cue word (“steady,” “focus,” “trust”)
A brief visualization
The goal: calm the nervous system and anchor attention.
6. Keep the Season About Them
Not the money invested. Not the team’s record. Not parental expectations.
Kids need the freedom to define success on their own terms.
Exercises Athletes Can Try
🧠 The Three-Breath Reset (for anxiety spikes)
Breathe in through the nose for 4.
Hold for 2.
Exhale long and slow for 6.
Repeat three times.
This signals the brain that the body is safe.
📓 “What’s In My Control?” Worksheet
Draw two circles:
Inside: effort, attitude, communication, nutrition, sleep
Outside: refs, weather, coach decisions, teammates’ choices
Review before games or practices.
💭 The 24-Hour Rule
After a tough game, no analysis for 24 hours.
This gives the brain time to regulate before reflecting.
⭐ Confidence Journal
Each night: write 2 things you did well in sport that day - even tiny ones.
Confidence is built through repetition, not rare moments of perfection.
A Final Reminder
A tough season isn’t a sign that a young athlete is falling behind- it’s a sign they’re human. Resilience isn’t built when everything is easy; it’s built when kids learn they can survive discomfort, manage anxiety, and still show up.
Youth sports are not just about performance. They are one of the most powerful classrooms for emotional strength, identity development, and lifelong confidence - if we let them be.
Let the goal be growth, not perfection. And let the hard seasons teach what the easy ones never will.