Stop Tripping Over the Baggage: How Couples Can Unpack Together 🧳❤️
By: Dr. Jennifer Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Every relationship starts with baggage.
No matter how perfect your partner seems, we all carry experiences, wounds, fears, and beliefs from our past. Childhood dynamics, past relationships, betrayals, insecurities—these don’t just disappear when we fall in love. They come with us. Like a pile of overstuffed suitcases, they sit between us, waiting to be tripped over.
🔁 And when we don’t take the time to unpack that baggage together, guess what? We keep bumping into it. Arguments escalate quickly. Vulnerabilities get misinterpreted. We react to our partner through the lens of an old story that may not even belong to them.
So what does it look like to unpack together?
1. Name What You're Carrying
Start by identifying what you’ve brought with you. Maybe it’s a fear of abandonment, a belief that conflict is dangerous, or a tendency to shut down when things get hard. These patterns likely made sense in your past—but may not be serving your relationship now.
👥 Try this: “Sometimes when we argue, I notice I get really anxious. That reminds me of how I felt growing up when I didn’t feel heard.”
2. Create a Safe Space for Sharing
Unpacking only works when both people feel emotionally safe. That means listening without defensiveness, asking questions with curiosity, and holding space for each other’s pasts—even when it’s hard to hear.
🧠 Therapy tip: Use soft start-ups and “I” statements to avoid blame. Instead of “You always shut down,” try “I feel disconnected when we stop talking after a disagreement.”
3. Recognize When You’re Reacting to Old Baggage
We all get triggered. The trick is noticing when your reaction is bigger than the moment calls for. That usually means you're responding to old pain, not your partner.
⛔ Example: Feeling panicked when your partner doesn’t text back right away might be about more than just a missed message—it might be touching an old wound of feeling unimportant.
4. Build New Narratives Together
As you unpack, you make room to repack—this time with shared understanding, rituals of connection, and new ways of relating. Instead of letting the past run the show, you co-author a new story together.
💬 “We’re both learning how to feel safe and seen. Let’s keep reminding each other that we’re on the same team.”
Relationships don’t work because we avoid the baggage.
They work when we turn toward it, together.
The goal isn’t to get rid of it all—but to stop tripping over it in the dark.
✨ If you and your partner are ready to unpack with the help of a guide, couples therapy can offer the tools and structure you need to move forward with compassion and clarity.
💔 Can Love Survive Betrayal? How Gottman-Based Therapy Helps Couples Rebuild After Infidelity
By: Dr. Jenn M.G.
Infidelity shakes the very core of a relationship. The pain, confusion, and sense of betrayal can feel overwhelming—for both partners. Yet, as impossible as it may seem in the moment, many couples not only survive infidelity… they come out stronger.
As a clinical psychologist trained in the Gottman Method, I help couples navigate the rocky terrain of betrayal with structure, compassion, and evidence-based tools.
💬 The Aftermath of Infidelity: What Couples Face
Infidelity often opens the floodgates to emotional flooding, blame, and shutdown. One partner may be desperately seeking answers and reassurance. The other may be drowning in guilt, shame, or defensiveness. It's a fragile space—one that needs more than just good intentions to heal.
This is where the Gottman Method can be life-changing.
🧠 The Gottman Approach to Healing
Based on over four decades of research with thousands of couples, Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed a model that guides partners through both prevention and repair.
When it comes to recovering from infidelity, the Gottman Method focuses on three critical phases:
Atone: Creating space for honest, empathetic dialogue. This is where the hurt partner needs to ask questions and express pain, and the offending partner listens, takes responsibility, and commits to transparency and change.
Attune: Rebuilding emotional connection. This stage focuses on understanding each other’s inner worlds, rebuilding trust, and strengthening the friendship at the heart of the relationship.
Attach: Rekindling intimacy and creating new meaning. It’s not about returning to “how things were”—it’s about creating a new foundation for a future together.
🛠️ What We Work On in Therapy
Managing conflict without escalation
Re-establishing trust and boundaries
Understanding what led to the infidelity—not to excuse, but to gain insight
Coping with triggers and emotional flashbacks
Rebuilding intimacy—physically, emotionally, and sexually
Creating rituals of connection that support ongoing growth
💡 A Note of Hope
Healing from infidelity is not a quick fix. It takes time, courage, and vulnerability. But with the right support, couples can transform rupture into resilience. Therapy is not about assigning blame—it’s about creating a new path forward, together.
If you and your partner are in the aftermath of betrayal and don’t know where to start, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to do this alone.
📞 Reach out today to begin the healing process with structured, compassionate support. Rebuilding is possible.
🧠💪 Move Your Body, Change Your Mind: The Psychology of Exercise
By: Dr. Jenn MG
We often think of exercise as something we should do for our physical health—burn calories, strengthen muscles, maybe train for that 5K. But as a psychologist, I’m here to remind you: movement is medicine for your mind, too.
Research continues to show that exercise isn’t just about fitness—it’s a powerful tool for improving mental health, emotional regulation, and cognitive function.
Let’s unpack the psychology behind physical activity and why moving your body might be the best thing you can do for your mood today:
1. Mood Booster: The Natural Antidepressant 🌤️
Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, your body’s natural feel-good chemicals. It also increases dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine—neurotransmitters that play key roles in mood regulation.
In fact, regular aerobic activity has been shown to be as effective as medication in treating mild to moderate depression.
2. Anxiety Soother: Reset the Nervous System 🧘♀️
When we’re anxious, our body enters a state of hyperarousal. Movement—especially rhythmic and repetitive types like walking, running, swimming, or dancing—helps regulate the autonomic nervous system, creating a calming effect.
Even 10 minutes of movement can start to bring your nervous system back into balance.
3. Confidence Builder ✨
Regular physical activity can improve self-esteem and body image, especially when we shift the focus from how we look to what our bodies can do. Whether you’re lifting weights, completing a yoga flow, or going on a hike—those wins add up.
Confidence grows not just from the outcome, but from the consistency and effort.
4. Focus Enhancer: Sharpen Your Brain 🔍
Exercise improves executive functioning—that’s your brain’s ability to plan, focus, and manage time. It increases blood flow to the brain and promotes neuroplasticity (your brain’s ability to adapt and grow). It’s like giving your brain a quick reboot.
Struggling with attention or productivity? A brisk walk might help more than another cup of coffee.
5. Connection Creator: Social + Somatic Healing 🤝
Group exercise—whether it’s a team sport, fitness class, or even a walking buddy—offers social connection, which we know is key to mental health. Shared movement also creates co-regulation, where nervous systems sync up in calming and uplifting ways.
✅ Pro Tip for the Skeptical or Stuck:
You don’t need a gym membership or a “perfect plan.” Start small. Try:
A walk while listening to a podcast 🎧
A 5-minute stretch break between meetings 🧘
Dancing to your favorite song 🎶
Gardening, biking, or chasing your kids around 🏃♀️
Movement is movement. It all counts.
In Therapy and In Life: Why I Recommend Movement 🧠💬
As a psychologist, I often encourage my clients to build a gentle relationship with movement—not as punishment, but as self-care. Not to fix themselves, but to feel more connected to their body, their emotions, and their strength.
It’s not about going harder. It’s about coming home to yourself—one step, one breath, one stretch at a time.
✨ Your body holds wisdom. Your mind craves movement. Start where you are.
If you’d like support in building healthy habits or improving your relationship with movement and mental wellness, I’m here to help.