“The Anxiety of Always Being Needed”
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
(When being dependable turns into depletion)
You’re the one everyone calls.
The coworker who picks up the slack.
The friend who listens at 11 p.m.
The parent, partner, or colleague who can always be counted on.
And maybe you take pride in that - in being the dependable one, the calm center of chaos. But lately, that constant sense of being “on call” has stopped feeling like purpose… and started feeling like pressure.
That uneasy knot in your chest? That’s not weakness. It’s anxiety born from over-responsibility.
When “Helping” Becomes Hyper-Vigilance
People who are naturally empathic often learn early that being helpful equals being loved.
So, when others need you, your nervous system lights up - a subtle mix of duty, relief, and control.
But over time, the brain starts pairing safety with usefulness.
You stop asking, “Do I have the capacity?” and instead think, “Who needs me next?”
That’s not compassion - that’s survival mode disguised as kindness.
The Hidden Cost of Being the Rock
Constant availability quietly chips away at your emotional bandwidth. You may notice:
Rest feels uncomfortable - you reach for your phone, just in case someone needs you.
You feel irritated but guilty about saying no.
You start resenting others for relying on you, then feel ashamed for that resentment.
This is emotional exhaustion, not failure. Your body and mind are trying to protect your last reserves of energy by sending anxiety signals - a psychological “low-battery” warning.
The Reframe: Boundaries as Self-Respect
Boundaries are not walls; they are the instructions for how to love you well.
They say, “I want to be in connection with you, but not at the cost of myself.”
Therapy often reframes boundaries from rejection to relational honesty. You’re not saying “I don’t care.” You’re saying “I care about both of us enough to stay whole.”
When you set limits, you’re not pulling away - you’re choosing sustainable connection.
Try This: The “Energy Audit” Exercise
Take five quiet minutes with a journal and complete these prompts:
List three people or roles that ask for your energy most often.
Rate your energy level before and after each interaction (1–10).
Notice the pattern. Who replenishes you? Who drains you?
Circle one relationship where you can practice a small boundary this week - maybe delaying your response, delegating, or saying, “Let me think on that.”
Boundaries don’t have to be grand gestures. They can start as tiny acts of truth.
You’re Allowed to Be Cared For, Too
The dependable one deserves dependability. The listener deserves to be heard. The strong one deserves softness.
When you start setting boundaries, anxiety often spikes at first - that’s just your nervous system learning a new language of safety. With time, it quiets. Peace replaces the panic of being everything to everyone.
✨ If you’ve forgotten how to rest without guilt, it may be time to rebuild your balance.
Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson is a licensed clinical psychologist in Ohio who helps individuals navigate anxiety, burnout, boundaries, and emotional overload with evidence-based care and genuine compassion.
She accepts Aetna, Medical Mutual, Anthem, Cigna, and other major insurances.
📍 Visit drjennmerthegrayson.com to learn more or schedule a session.
“The Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Why You Feel Crazy (and How to Get Your Clarity Back)”
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
You start the relationship feeling chosen - seen in a way you’ve never felt before.
They say all the right things. You believe you’ve found emotional safety.
Then, slowly, that safety starts to shift. You’re walking on eggshells, explaining yourself more often, apologizing for things you didn’t do.
And before you realize it, you’ve lost track of what’s real.
Sound familiar? You might be caught in the narcissistic relationship cycle - a pattern that leaves even the most grounded person questioning their reality.
Stage 1: Idealization - “You’re Everything I Ever Wanted”
At first, it feels like love on steroids. Narcissistic partners often mirror your values and emotions perfectly. This “love-bombing” stage floods your brain with dopamine and oxytocin, creating instant attachment.
It’s intoxicating - and strategic. This stage ensures your loyalty before the real dynamics emerge.
Stage 2: Devaluation - “You’re Too Sensitive”
Once your trust is secured, subtle shifts begin.
The tone changes. Sarcasm replaces affection. The same qualities they once praised now “bother” them.
This stage erodes self-esteem slowly, often under the guise of constructive feedback. It’s emotional gaslighting - and it works by making you doubt your perception.
Stage 3: Discard (and Hoovering) - “You’ll Never Find Someone Like Me”
When you start asserting boundaries, the narcissistic partner may withdraw affection, ghost, or even end things suddenly.
But when you try to move on, they might “hoover” - pulling you back with apologies, nostalgia, or crisis stories designed to reignite hope.
This cycle can repeat for years. Not because you’re weak - but because your nervous system has learned that chaos equals connection.
The Psychology Behind the Cycle
Narcissistic relationships are built on intermittent reinforcement - the same conditioning that keeps gamblers at slot machines.
You never know when you’ll get the next “win,” so you keep trying.
That unpredictability makes it addictive - not just emotionally, but neurologically.
Breaking the cycle requires two key steps:
Recognizing the pattern instead of the person.
Rebuilding self-trust through grounded reflection and therapy.
Try This: The Reality Anchor Exercise
When you feel yourself spinning in confusion after an argument or manipulation, pause and ask:
What did I actually observe (not interpret)?
What emotion did that trigger in me?
What story am I being asked to believe right now - and does it fit the facts?
Writing this out re-anchors you to your own perception, separating reality from distortion - a core skill in recovery from relational gaslighting.
Healing Is About Reclaiming Clarity
Healing from narcissistic relationships isn’t about blaming or diagnosing your partner - it’s about reclaiming your sense of safety, identity, and reality.
Therapy helps you rebuild boundaries, restore your nervous system’s sense of calm, and reconnect with what’s true instead of what’s tolerated.
✨ If you’re tired of feeling small, confused, or emotionally exhausted, you don’t have to do it alone.
Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson is a licensed clinical psychologist in Ohio who helps individuals and couples rebuild trust, boundaries, and emotional safety after high-conflict or narcissistic relationships.
She accepts Aetna, Medical Mutual, Anthem, Cigna, and other major insurances.
📍 Visit drjennmerthegrayson.com to learn more or schedule a session.
🎄 The Psychology of Holiday Decorating: Why Decking the Halls Feels So Good
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
As soon as the first twinkle lights appear in store windows, something in our brains lights up, too. For many, decorating for the holidays isn’t just about aesthetics - it’s a deeply emotional, even therapeutic, ritual. But why does hanging garland or setting out a nostalgic ornament make us feel so grounded, joyful, or even tearfully sentimental? Let’s unwrap the psychology behind it.
✨ 1. Decorating Activates Reward Circuits
Holiday décor cues our brains to anticipate joy. Bright lights, color contrasts, and familiar scents (pine, cinnamon, cookies) trigger the release of dopamine - the brain’s “feel-good” neurotransmitter. That little spark of pleasure isn’t superficial; it’s our nervous system’s way of saying, You’re safe enough to celebrate.
Even small acts — like lighting a candle or hanging a wreath - can serve as micro-moments of reward, shifting our mood from stress to calm.
🕯️ 2. Nostalgia is a Form of Emotional Regulation
When we pull out the same ornaments or recipes year after year, we’re engaging in emotional time travel. Psychologists have found that nostalgia increases feelings of continuity, belonging, and optimism - especially during uncertain times.
So when you catch yourself getting misty-eyed over a chipped childhood ornament, remember: you’re actually reconnecting neural pathways that reinforce identity and stability.
🧠 3. Order and Control in a Chaotic Season
The holidays can bring financial strain, family tension, or reminders of loss. Decorating - with its structure and predictability - offers a sense of control and mastery. Choosing where the lights go, how the tree looks, or what scents fill the room allows the brain to focus on manageable decisions rather than existential overwhelm.
Think of it as a mindful ritual: each light strung or bow tied is a tiny act of agency.
❤️ 4. Shared Meaning Builds Connection
Whether you’re decorating solo, with a partner, or alongside kids, the act of transforming your environment creates shared purpose. These rituals strengthen attachment - the psychological glue of relationships.
Inviting children or partners into decorating isn’t about perfection; it’s about co-creating warmth, which builds emotional memory far stronger than any perfectly styled mantle.
🌟 Try This: The “Intentional Ornament” Exercise
Before hanging each ornament or decoration, pause and ask:
What memory or feeling does this bring up?
Is there a story I want to share or revisit?
Does this item still reflect the holiday I want to create this year?
This practice helps turn decorating into a mindfulness exercise - transforming a to-do list item into a moment of reflection and connection.
🎁 Final Thought
Holiday decorating isn’t just a tradition - it’s a form of emotional architecture. We build our surroundings to mirror our inner world and, in doing so, create comfort, continuity, and joy. So if you find yourself stringing lights a little early this year, it’s not indulgent - it’s neuroscience.
Written by Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Psy.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist | Merthe-Grayson Center for Psychology & Wellness
Helping individuals and families navigate life’s seasons with empathy, balance, and evidence-based care.