“The Anxiety of Always Being Needed”
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
(When being dependable turns into depletion)
You’re the one everyone calls.
The coworker who picks up the slack.
The friend who listens at 11 p.m.
The parent, partner, or colleague who can always be counted on.
And maybe you take pride in that - in being the dependable one, the calm center of chaos. But lately, that constant sense of being “on call” has stopped feeling like purpose… and started feeling like pressure.
That uneasy knot in your chest? That’s not weakness. It’s anxiety born from over-responsibility.
When “Helping” Becomes Hyper-Vigilance
People who are naturally empathic often learn early that being helpful equals being loved.
So, when others need you, your nervous system lights up - a subtle mix of duty, relief, and control.
But over time, the brain starts pairing safety with usefulness.
You stop asking, “Do I have the capacity?” and instead think, “Who needs me next?”
That’s not compassion - that’s survival mode disguised as kindness.
The Hidden Cost of Being the Rock
Constant availability quietly chips away at your emotional bandwidth. You may notice:
Rest feels uncomfortable - you reach for your phone, just in case someone needs you.
You feel irritated but guilty about saying no.
You start resenting others for relying on you, then feel ashamed for that resentment.
This is emotional exhaustion, not failure. Your body and mind are trying to protect your last reserves of energy by sending anxiety signals - a psychological “low-battery” warning.
The Reframe: Boundaries as Self-Respect
Boundaries are not walls; they are the instructions for how to love you well.
They say, “I want to be in connection with you, but not at the cost of myself.”
Therapy often reframes boundaries from rejection to relational honesty. You’re not saying “I don’t care.” You’re saying “I care about both of us enough to stay whole.”
When you set limits, you’re not pulling away - you’re choosing sustainable connection.
Try This: The “Energy Audit” Exercise
Take five quiet minutes with a journal and complete these prompts:
List three people or roles that ask for your energy most often.
Rate your energy level before and after each interaction (1–10).
Notice the pattern. Who replenishes you? Who drains you?
Circle one relationship where you can practice a small boundary this week - maybe delaying your response, delegating, or saying, “Let me think on that.”
Boundaries don’t have to be grand gestures. They can start as tiny acts of truth.
You’re Allowed to Be Cared For, Too
The dependable one deserves dependability. The listener deserves to be heard. The strong one deserves softness.
When you start setting boundaries, anxiety often spikes at first - that’s just your nervous system learning a new language of safety. With time, it quiets. Peace replaces the panic of being everything to everyone.
✨ If you’ve forgotten how to rest without guilt, it may be time to rebuild your balance.
Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson is a licensed clinical psychologist in Ohio who helps individuals navigate anxiety, burnout, boundaries, and emotional overload with evidence-based care and genuine compassion.
She accepts Aetna, Medical Mutual, Anthem, Cigna, and other major insurances.
📍 Visit drjennmerthegrayson.com to learn more or schedule a session.