The Company We Keep: How Our Relationships Shape Our Mental Health
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
It’s a saying we often hear in adolescence—but the truth of it echoes across every life stage. As a psychologist, I see time and again how the people we surround ourselves with can profoundly impact our mood, our habits, our self-worth, and even our sense of possibility.
We Are Wired for Connection
Human beings are inherently social creatures. From infancy, our nervous systems learn to regulate through connection. In adulthood, our relationships continue to shape our brains through co-regulation, emotional feedback, and shared meaning. The people in our lives either help us feel safe and supported—or trigger chronic stress, self-doubt, or emotional exhaustion.
The Mirror Effect
Psychologists call it social contagion—the tendency to absorb the behaviors, emotions, and even thought patterns of those around us. When we spend time with optimistic, growth-oriented individuals, we’re more likely to feel hopeful and resilient. When we’re surrounded by criticism, cynicism, or drama, our emotional bandwidth narrows.
This doesn’t mean we should expect our loved ones to be perfect or positive all the time. But it does mean that paying attention to how we feel around others—drained or energized, small or seen—can offer valuable clues about the psychological impact of our social circles.
Boundaries Are an Act of Self-Compassion
Sometimes, the most powerful act of self-care isn’t a solo activity—it’s a boundary. It's learning to say no to relationships that consistently undermine our mental health, and yes to those that uplift and challenge us in healthy ways. This might mean spending less time with a friend who constantly gossips or limits your dreams—or more time nurturing connections that feel reciprocal and kind.
Curating Connection with Intention
Ask yourself:
Who makes me feel calm, capable, or inspired?
Who drains me, triggers my anxiety, or diminishes my confidence?
What kind of relationships do I want more of—and how can I cultivate them?
Being intentional about the company we keep is not about elitism or avoidance. It's about alignment. It's about making room for people who support our growth, hold space for our vulnerability, and celebrate our becoming.
Final Thoughts
Mental health isn't just something we manage within ourselves—it's also something we co-create with others. As you invest in your well-being, don’t overlook the quiet power of your relationships. The right people won’t just walk beside you; they’ll help you walk taller.
When the Game Ends: Finding Identity After Athletics
By: Dr. Jennifer Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
For many athletes, sports are more than just competition—they're a way of life. From early morning practices to national championships, the structure, purpose, and adrenaline of athletic performance become tightly woven into identity. But what happens when the uniform comes off? When injury, age, or life transitions force an athlete to walk away from the sport they love?
This moment can feel like falling off a cliff. Without the daily rhythm of training, the camaraderie of a team, or the clear markers of success, many athletes struggle with a profound question: Who am I if I’m not an athlete?
The Psychology Behind Athletic Identity
Athletic identity refers to the degree to which an individual identifies with the athlete role. It’s a powerful force—driving motivation, goal-setting, and resilience. But when athletes are no longer competing, that same identity can create a void.
Research shows that retiring athletes often experience:
Loss of purpose and routine
Decreased self-esteem
Grief and emotional distress
Increased risk for anxiety or depression
The transition out of sport is not just a career change—it’s an identity shift.
The Emotional Weight of Transition
Leaving sport isn’t always voluntary. Injury, burnout, or life demands can end an athletic career before an athlete is emotionally prepared. Even athletes who plan for retirement often find the psychological adjustment more difficult than expected. Questions like “What now?”, “Was it all worth it?”, or “Will I ever feel that passion again?” can linger.
Rebuilding a Multifaceted Identity
One of the goals of sports psychology is to help athletes expand their sense of self beyond performance. Here are a few ways therapy can support this transition:
✅ Exploring values and passions outside of sport
✅ Developing skills for emotional regulation and grief processing
✅ Redefining success beyond medals and titles
✅ Creating new routines and finding purpose in the “off-season” of life
Therapy offers a space to reconnect with parts of the self that may have been overshadowed by competition—and to discover new strengths and aspirations.
You’re More Than Your Sport
Stepping away from your sport is not the end—it’s a beginning. Whether you’re a student-athlete transitioning to adulthood, a professional retiring after a long career, or an injured athlete adjusting to new limits, your worth is not defined by your stats.
As a psychologist with training in sports performance and mental wellness, I help athletes navigate these pivotal moments. You don’t have to face this identity shift alone.
💞 Couples Therapy Insight: Be the One Who Does What No One Else Will
By: Dr. Jennifer Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
In Wired for Love, Dr. Stan Tatkin emphasizes the importance of creating a secure, resilient "couple bubble"—a mutual space of safety, care, and protection that partners consciously build together. One of the most powerful ideas in the book is this: in a healthy relationship, you should strive to be the person who does for your partner what no one else would.
This doesn’t mean becoming a martyr or abandoning your needs. It means offering a kind of attunement, protection, and emotional presence that says, “I’ve got you. I choose you. I’m on your team—no matter what.”
🛡 What Does That Look Like?
Being the one who does what no one else will means:
Protecting your partner in public and private – even when it’s hard or inconvenient. This includes not throwing them under the bus with friends or family, and defending their dignity in conflict.
Tending to their emotional wounds – not dismissing their triggers, but learning them, soothing them, and helping rewrite the narrative.
Taking radical responsibility – for your role in conflict, for ruptures, and for repair—even when your ego protests.
Offering comfort first, clarity second – because your partner doesn’t need you to solve the problem before they feel seen and safe.
🤝 Why This Matters in Couples Therapy
Often, couples come to therapy caught in a cycle of blame, withdrawal, or reactivity. Each person is waiting for the other to change, to make the first move, to be more gentle, more available, more generous. But the relationship changes most when one person decides to lean in with love and do what others wouldn’t—whether that’s softening in a moment of tension or speaking the hard truth with care.
Therapy helps partners:
Rebuild trust by becoming safe havens for each other
Learn how to co-regulate emotions instead of escalating them
Shift from self-protection to mutual protection
💬 A Reflection for You and Your Partner
Ask each other:
👉 What is something I could do for you that would make you feel like you’re truly not alone in this world?
👉 What does being “your person” mean to you?
You may be surprised by how simple (yet meaningful) the answers can be.
Ready to Deepen Your Bond?
Couples therapy isn’t about deciding who’s right—it’s about creating a space where both people feel chosen, protected, and understood. If you're ready to build the kind of relationship where you're truly each other’s person, I’d be honored to guide you.