💞 Couples Therapy Insight: Be the One Who Does What No One Else Will

By: Dr. Jennifer Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

In Wired for Love, Dr. Stan Tatkin emphasizes the importance of creating a secure, resilient "couple bubble"—a mutual space of safety, care, and protection that partners consciously build together. One of the most powerful ideas in the book is this: in a healthy relationship, you should strive to be the person who does for your partner what no one else would.

This doesn’t mean becoming a martyr or abandoning your needs. It means offering a kind of attunement, protection, and emotional presence that says, “I’ve got you. I choose you. I’m on your team—no matter what.”

🛡 What Does That Look Like?

Being the one who does what no one else will means:

• Protecting your partner in public and private – even when it’s hard or inconvenient. This includes not throwing them under the bus with friends or family, and defending their dignity in conflict.

• Tending to their emotional wounds – not dismissing their triggers, but learning them, soothing them, and helping rewrite the narrative.

• Taking radical responsibility – for your role in conflict, for ruptures, and for repair—even when your ego protests.

• Offering comfort first, clarity second – because your partner doesn’t need you to solve the problem before they feel seen and safe.

🤝 Why This Matters in Couples Therapy

Often, couples come to therapy caught in a cycle of blame, withdrawal, or reactivity. Each person is waiting for the other to change, to make the first move, to be more gentle, more available, more generous. But the relationship changes most when one person decides to lean in with love and do what others wouldn’t—whether that’s softening in a moment of tension or speaking the hard truth with care.

Therapy helps partners:

• Rebuild trust by becoming safe havens for each other

• Learn how to co-regulate emotions instead of escalating them

• Shift from self-protection to mutual protection

💬 A Reflection for You and Your Partner

Ask each other:
👉 What is something I could do for you that would make you feel like you’re truly not alone in this world?
👉 What does being “your person” mean to you?

You may be surprised by how simple (yet meaningful) the answers can be.

Ready to Deepen Your Bond?
Couples therapy isn’t about deciding who’s right—it’s about creating a space where both people feel chosen, protected, and understood. If you're ready to build the kind of relationship where you're truly each other’s person, I’d be honored to guide you.