The Company We Keep: How Our Relationships Shape Our Mental Health
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
It’s a saying we often hear in adolescence—but the truth of it echoes across every life stage. As a psychologist, I see time and again how the people we surround ourselves with can profoundly impact our mood, our habits, our self-worth, and even our sense of possibility.
We Are Wired for Connection
Human beings are inherently social creatures. From infancy, our nervous systems learn to regulate through connection. In adulthood, our relationships continue to shape our brains through co-regulation, emotional feedback, and shared meaning. The people in our lives either help us feel safe and supported—or trigger chronic stress, self-doubt, or emotional exhaustion.
The Mirror Effect
Psychologists call it social contagion—the tendency to absorb the behaviors, emotions, and even thought patterns of those around us. When we spend time with optimistic, growth-oriented individuals, we’re more likely to feel hopeful and resilient. When we’re surrounded by criticism, cynicism, or drama, our emotional bandwidth narrows.
This doesn’t mean we should expect our loved ones to be perfect or positive all the time. But it does mean that paying attention to how we feel around others—drained or energized, small or seen—can offer valuable clues about the psychological impact of our social circles.
Boundaries Are an Act of Self-Compassion
Sometimes, the most powerful act of self-care isn’t a solo activity—it’s a boundary. It's learning to say no to relationships that consistently undermine our mental health, and yes to those that uplift and challenge us in healthy ways. This might mean spending less time with a friend who constantly gossips or limits your dreams—or more time nurturing connections that feel reciprocal and kind.
Curating Connection with Intention
Ask yourself:
Who makes me feel calm, capable, or inspired?
Who drains me, triggers my anxiety, or diminishes my confidence?
What kind of relationships do I want more of—and how can I cultivate them?
Being intentional about the company we keep is not about elitism or avoidance. It's about alignment. It's about making room for people who support our growth, hold space for our vulnerability, and celebrate our becoming.
Final Thoughts
Mental health isn't just something we manage within ourselves—it's also something we co-create with others. As you invest in your well-being, don’t overlook the quiet power of your relationships. The right people won’t just walk beside you; they’ll help you walk taller.