When Parenting Awakens Our Existential Anxiety
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson
There’s a quiet kind of anxiety that most parents don’t talk about—not the daily worry about grades, screen time, or soccer tryouts, but the deeper unease that slips in during quiet moments. It’s the ache that surfaces when you watch your child grow taller, realize another year has passed, or feel the weight of knowing you can’t protect them from everything.
That’s existential anxiety—the awareness that life is fleeting, that control is limited, and that love always carries loss somewhere inside it. Parenting has a way of waking that part of us up.
Why Parenting Brings It to the Surface
When you become a parent, you suddenly have something (and someone) so precious that the fragility of life becomes impossible to ignore. Each stage—first steps, middle school independence, driver’s permits—reminds you that time moves forward whether you’re ready or not.
Parenting forces us to confront life’s biggest questions:
Am I doing enough?
What will happen to them when I’m gone?
How do I live fully while also keeping them safe?
These are not “neurotic” anxieties—they’re profoundly human ones. They remind us that love and uncertainty are intertwined.
How Existential Anxiety Shows Up in Parenthood
You might not name it as existential, but it often looks like:
Over-controlling or over-preparing (to ease the fear of the unknown)
Feeling guilty for missing moments, even when you’re doing your best
Emotional spikes when your child reaches a milestone (“How did we get here already?”)
A sense of disconnection or numbness—because feeling everything feels like too much
These are subtle signs that something deep in you is wrestling with impermanence.
Moving Through, Not Away From It
The goal isn’t to eliminate existential anxiety—it’s to learn to live with it gracefully. A few ways to start:
Name what’s happening. Sometimes simply acknowledging, “This is my anxiety about time and loss,” brings relief.
Anchor in the present moment. Grounding in your child’s laughter, their messy room, or the smell of dinner cooking can reconnect you to now—the only place life actually happens.
Create meaning. Existential therapy reminds us that meaning is the antidote to anxiety. Ask yourself: What kind of parent do I want to be today, in this season?
Let joy and grief coexist. Every stage your child grows into requires you to release the one before. Allow both emotions to live side by side.
The Gift Hidden Inside Existential Anxiety
When we stop fighting existential anxiety, it often transforms into gratitude. It reminds us that time is precious, connection is sacred, and that the ordinary moments—morning coffee with your teen before school, late-night talks, laughter in the car—are the ones that matter most.
Parenting doesn’t just grow our children; it grows us. It calls us to face life’s impermanence with tenderness, to love anyway, and to keep showing up—knowing that the ache we feel is proof of how deeply we care.
About Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson
Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of The Merthe-Grayson Center for Psychology and Wellness in Ohio. She specializes in helping parents, couples, and high-achieving individuals navigate emotional challenges, relationships, and identity transitions with clarity and compassion.
Dr. Merthe-Grayson is now accepting new patients for both individual and couples therapy and is in-network with Aetna, Medical Mutual, Cigna, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, United Healthcare, and others.
To learn more or schedule a consultation, email jmg@drjennmerthegrayson.com