Learning to Live with the "What Ifs" of Parenthood
By Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake, replaying your child’s day and wondering “Am I doing enough?” or “What if something happens?”—you’re not alone.
Those quiet, late-night thoughts often aren’t about your child at all; they’re about the deep uncertainty that comes with loving someone more than life itself.
That’s the paradox of parenting: the more you love, the more vulnerable you feel.
Our Minds Seek Control—But Parenting Defies It
Existential anxiety shows up when our instinct to protect collides with the truth that we can’t control everything.
So we overthink, over-schedule, over-worry.
We build routines to feel safe.
We scroll for parenting tips, hoping to find the “right” way.
But the antidote isn’t more control—it’s tolerating uncertainty with compassion.
Three Ways to Soften Existential Anxiety
Shift from “What if?” to “Even if.”
Instead of spiraling into What if something goes wrong? try Even if challenges come, I’ll meet them with presence and love.
This small language shift builds emotional resilience.Stay rooted in the ordinary.
The antidote to existential fear is presence. Notice the warmth of a hug, the sound of your child’s laughter, the light in their eyes when they tell a story. These are the moments that tether us to meaning.Revisit your values—not your fears.
Ask, What matters most in how I show up as a parent today? Acting from values (not anxiety) turns fear into purpose.
The Truth: You’re Not Supposed to Feel Peace All the Time
Parenthood isn’t meant to feel calm and certain—it’s meant to feel alive.
The fear, the tenderness, the ache of watching your children grow—it’s all evidence that you’re engaged in one of life’s deepest love stories.
When we stop trying to outthink uncertainty, we begin to experience the beauty of being here now.
About Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson
Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of The Merthe-Grayson Center for Psychology and Wellness in Ohio. She helps parents, couples, and high-achieving individuals navigate emotional challenges and relationships with compassion and clarity.
Dr. Merthe-Grayson is currently accepting new patients and is in-network with Aetna, Medical Mutual, Cigna, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, United Healthcare, and others.
Learn more or schedule an appointment at drjennmerthegrayson.com.