⏱️ 5 Minutes, Then Forward ➡️
By: Dr. Jennifer Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
How to Honor Your Feelings Without Staying Stuck
We all hit those moments where frustration, anger, or sadness takes over. 😤😢 Maybe it’s a tough conversation, a bad day at work, or just that one thing that finally pushes you over the edge. The truth is—you’re allowed to feel it. Emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re signals. 🚦
But here’s the catch: staying too long in the spiral keeps us stuck. That’s where the 5-Minute Rule comes in.
Step 1: Feel It Fully 🌀
Set a timer for 5 minutes ⏱️. During that time, give yourself full permission to:
Complain 🙄
Vent 🗣️
Cry 😭
Drop a few choice words 💥
This is your space to let the emotion out without judgment.
Step 2: Flip the Switch 🔄
When the timer goes off—that’s your cue. 🚨 You’ve honored the feeling, but now it’s time to move into forward motion. Ask yourself:
What’s in my control right now? 🎯
What’s one small step forward I can take? 🚶
How do I want to show up for the rest of my day? 🌞
Step 3: Refocus on Forward Motion ➡️
Forward motion doesn’t mean fixing everything at once. It means:
Sending that email 📧
Drinking a glass of water 💧
Taking a short walk 🚶♀️
Writing down the one next step you can take 📝
Small shifts compound into bigger changes—and forward motion becomes your antidote to being stuck.
Final Thought 🌟
You don’t have to deny your emotions or drown in them. Instead, give yourself 5 minutes of full expression, then choose action. The timer becomes your bridge from negativity back into momentum.
Because progress—even in the smallest steps—is what pulls us forward. 💪➡️
Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson is a licensed clinical psychologist who now accepts Aetna, Anthem, Medical Mutual, Cigna, and United Healthcare insurances. Please reach out to schedule an appointment today!
🌱 Step Out of the Spiral: Helping Others as a Tool Against Depression 💙
By: Dr. Jennifer Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
When depression creeps in, it often pulls us inward—making our world feel smaller and smaller. The thoughts spiral: I’m not enough… nothing will change… why bother? 😔 But one of the most powerful ways to break out of that cycle is surprisingly simple: help someone else. 🙌
Why Helping Works 🧠✨
When you shift your focus from your own pain to meeting the needs of another, your brain experiences a reset:
Acts of kindness release feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin 🧪💡
Connection reduces the sense of isolation 🤝
Giving creates meaning and purpose that depression often tries to steal 🌟
Even small acts matter. Holding the door 🚪, sending a quick “thinking of you” text 📱, or smiling at a stranger 😊—these moments help redirect your energy outward.
Daily Practice 💪🌞
Try making it a habit: one act of kindness every day.
Compliment someone’s work 🗒️
Call a friend or family member 📞
Volunteer your time 🙋
Pay it forward in a small way ☕➡️
Each act, no matter how tiny, chips away at the heavy fog.
Get Outside of Yourself 🌍
When we look beyond ourselves, we see possibility again. 🌈 Helping others doesn’t just benefit them—it anchors you to the present moment and reminds you that you are part of something bigger. ❤️
Final Thought 💭
Depression wants you to stay stuck in your head. But when you step outside of yourself, even briefly, you begin to loosen its grip. Helping others is not about ignoring your pain—it’s about building a bridge out of it. 🌉💙
So today, ask yourself: Who can I help? ✨
When High-Conflict Ex-Husbands Stop Targeting You—But Turn the Conflict Toward the Kids
By: Dr. Jenn Merthe-Grayson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Co-parenting with a high-conflict ex-partner is exhausting, and sometimes, the dynamics shift in painful ways. Many women describe a moment of “relief” when the direct conflict with them decreases—less arguing, fewer hostile texts, less undermining. But then they notice something unsettling: the tension hasn’t disappeared. Instead, it’s been redirected toward the children.
From a psychological perspective, this shift can be understood through concepts of control, projection, and unresolved emotional regulation.
Why the Conflict Shifts Toward the Kids
Loss of Primary Target
In high-conflict personalities, anger and blame often need a recipient. When an ex-husband no longer engages with you, the children may unfortunately become the next accessible outlet.Projection of Insecurities
Children can serve as mirrors. A parent who feels inadequate or rejected may project those feelings onto the child, criticizing them or holding them responsible for things far outside their control.Control Through Vulnerability
Kids are vulnerable and dependent. For a high-conflict parent who craves power and control, the imbalance in the parent-child relationship can feel like fertile ground to reassert dominance.
Impact on Children
Children exposed to redirected conflict often experience:
Confusion: They may wonder why they’re “suddenly the problem.”
Anxiety: Anticipating when Dad will be angry creates a chronic stress response.
Role Reversal: Some children take on the job of managing the parent’s emotions, becoming the “peacekeeper.”
Identity Wounds: Constant criticism can shape how a child sees themselves, lowering self-worth.
From an attachment lens, this dynamic can weaken the sense of safety and trust a child feels in that parent relationship.
What You Can Do as the Other Parent
Validate and Name the Experience
Help your child put words to what’s happening: “It sounds like Dad was upset and took it out on you. That wasn’t your fault.” Naming the dynamic reduces self-blame.Create Consistency at Home
Structure, predictability, and warmth in your home can act as a protective buffer against the chaos elsewhere.Teach Healthy Boundaries
Age-appropriate boundary-setting gives children tools for the future. Even a simple phrase like, “I don’t want to be spoken to that way,” builds confidence.Encourage Emotional Expression
Journaling, drawing, sports, or therapy can help kids release emotions safely, instead of internalizing them.Seek Professional Support
If conflict is escalating, consider involving a child psychologist or family therapist. In severe cases, legal interventions may also be necessary to protect the child’s well-being.
A Closing Thought
When an ex-husband shifts conflict from you to the children, it’s a stark reminder that the root issue—difficulty managing emotions and conflict—remains unresolved. Your role as the steady parent becomes even more critical. While you can’t control his behavior, you can create an environment of safety, stability, and unconditional love that counterbalances the damage.
Children don’t need perfection. They need one parent who sees clearly, validates their experiences, and models healthier ways to relate. That presence can be profoundly healing.